Both my husband and I come from large families. Not just the amount of siblings, but also our extended families. Cousins (1st, 2nd, and 3rd), aunts, and uncles. Families whose nucleus has remained strong over the years. It is one of the biggest blessings, but also has some downfalls. One of those downfalls is that sometimes you don't get to build a strong relationship with everyone. You just have members you get along with better or spend more time with. Sometimes lives don't sync and you only get to see someone for a special occasion or holiday. My husband's Tio (uncle) Tomas was one of those people for me.
I have been a member of my husband's family for almost twenty years. Tio Tomas was one of those elders who I always made the time to greet, but really my relationship with him wasn't that deep. What I did know about Tio Tomas was from my husband, his siblings, and his cousins. There seemed to be a lot of hunting stories of Tio Tomas and his brothers (my late father-in-law included) because they used to have a hunting lease that they would take their sons out to. There are classic stories that they tell over and over and there are a few inside jokes that stem from events that unfolded in some sort of humorous way where my husband and his cousins only need to say one word or phrase and they immediately erupt in laughter. A lot of those stories seem to end up where Tio Tomas or one of the elders would get after the younger generation for something they did or said. When I would first hear these stories I used to think that perhaps Tio Tomas was very strict because of the way a lot of those stories would end. As I have grown older and I am now a parent, I have come to realize that the reality was that these younger dudes were just pains in a**. I do say that with love. Haha.
A photo I took of his photos that afternoon. The three brothers recreating a photo from their childhood.
This last December we found ourselves in San Antonio. My husband decided he wanted to try and visit his Tio with our children. It seemed like a wonderful plan especially since it was right after Christmas and before the New Year. We surprised Tio Tomas that day. He was seated cozily in his recliner watching football. It was one of those college holiday bowl games, although don't remember who was playing. We walked in and said our hellos. Our kids made themselves comfortable on chairs at the table or on the floor. My husband sat in his uncle's electric wheelchair (at his uncle's request) that just happened to be ever so slightly in front of the TV. As the saying goes, my husband "makes a better door than a window". My husband tried to make conversation and small talk with his uncle but you could tell he kinda really wanted to see how this football game was gonna play out as he craned his neck to see behind my husband. It is a family trait for a lot of the members of my husband's family...football is their weakness, so my husband totally understood. In between plays and during commercials, Tio would pipe up as my husband asked about family members and stories about his dad. Our kids looked around his apartment and noticed family photos and my husband and his uncle would point out people, like his brother (their grandfather), who they never got to meet. Then we came to a beautiful portrait that hung on the wall. It was of a young couple on their wedding day. In one of the silences of us watching the game my husband pointed to it and told our children that it was Tio Tomas and his wife, Tia (aunt) Yolanda. Tia Yolanda had passed away several years ago. In this moment, the enchantment with the football game was broken and Tio Tomas looked up from TV and glanced right over at the wedding portrait. Immediately he went into the story of how they met and fallen in love. How some members in her family were opposed to them seeing each other and decided that perhaps it would be best if she forgot him and move away at once. They were both so heartbroken. He said he had gone to his mother with tears in his eyes asking for advice on what to do. They ended up as family (his sister and brother accompanying him) going over to Tia Yolanda's grandmother's house. After a conversation with her family, he asked to marry Tia Yolanda and the rest is history. It was the sweetest story and it was so touching because his eyes welled up with tears as he told it. Age, time, and not even death had tamed his love for his wife. He was just as in love with her that December afternoon as he was that day he went to ask for her hand. You could tell that he missed her so much and being away from her had left him incomplete.
This last Sunday my husband received word that Tio Tomas had passed away at the age of 88. He had not been feeling well the last several weeks and ultimately everyone knew he would probably pass soon. While everyone, especially his children and grandchildren were so sad to see him go, they had the joy of knowing he would soon be reunited with his true love. What a reunion that must have been.
I am so thankful for that afternoon we spent with him. While I don't have years of hunting stories or inside jokes to recall, I have that afternoon where we heard one of the greatest love stories ever told. Thank you and rest in peace and love, Tio Tomas.
Another photo I took of Tio Tomas, my father-in-law, and his other brothers with their brother who was in the army.
If you are lucky, you will come across one of those spectacular people in your life. A real unforgetable, original character. Hector Delaunay was one of those people. "Grandpa Hector", as most of us called him, was my sister-in-law's father. My greatest memories of him are from when I was little, before my neices and nephews were born. When my brother and sister-in-law would visit they would take me over to his house. His backyard was a well-curated jungle. He had all kinds of plants and fruit trees. I remember once he took me for a walk out in the "jungle". He pointed out and named different plants and trees and told stories. I remember feeling a bit scared because it really did seem like a jungle to me with the sun peeking through the canopy of trees. He often wore his cut-off jean shorts, light denim long sleeve shirt, and his white cowboy hat. He always had a big smile, loud voice, and was a expert conversationalist. He always had stories about his friends, family, or news from around town. This is what I will always remember about him.
I saw him just a few months ago. Old age caught with him, as it always does with most anyone. His shoulders weren't as strong and his wardrobe was a bit more warm and comfortable. However, his smile and love of conversation remained.
Thank you, "Grandpa" Hector for the tours, the smiles, the stories, but mostly the reminders to live life big and fully.
I must be getting older because the stars are fading. Prince, THE musical icon, suddenly passed away yesterday. I could probably sit here and type til' my fingers bled and still come up short.
Once in a lifetime, once in a century, once for all time.
Anybody can write a song. Many can write a good song. Very few can write something completely new. Prince could tell a story lyrically and musically in a song that only last a few minutes but can stand the test of time over and over. "Raspberry Beret" is one of my favorite songs of his lyrically. Read how he set up the characters in this story:
The male lead (Prince):
He told me several times that he didn't like my kind 'Cause I was a bit too leisurely Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing But different than the day before
I mean, you KNOW this guy. Probably young, hates his job, sitting around waiting for something better to happen. Then she walks in and rocks his world.
The female lead (wearing that iconic beret):
That's when I saw her, ooh, I saw her She walked in through the out door, out door
With this one line you know what this girl is all about. She doesn't follow the rules. She does what she wants. She just walked IN through the OUT door. You go, girl!
Then there is his most iconic song. The title track to his movie Purple Rain. If you really listen to that song it is a song about love, but also friendship lost. It is a rock/pop song, but seriously plays out like a church song. It stirs up pain and longing. That chorus feels like you could raise your hands up. Preach!
Lastly, I'll leave you with a quote from the man himself.
"I don't really care so much what people say about me because it is usually a reflection of who they are."
Two days ago my child came home and told us that while she was waiting in the car rider line to be picked up at school, a first grade girl came up to her and told her, "I don't like you, because you're Mexican" and walked away. It totally blindsided her. No explanation or prompt. She still doesn't know the child's name or who's class she is in. That child just felt the need to let her know that "Mexicans" were not liked by her. I was thrown back for a few seconds when she told me. I asked her what she said back to the child. She said, "Nothing. I just said under my breath that it was rude." Her friend who she was sitting with said,"Why did she say that?!" Then my daughter said, "Maybe it's because of my skin. It's dark." I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I quickly turned to her and softly but surely said,"Don't ever let anyone tell you ANYTHING about your skin. It's beautiful. People pay lots of money to sit in tanning beds to just try to have a little bit of what your skin looks like. You are so lucky." Her siblings quickly chimed in and raved about how lucky she is that she tans even more at the beach and that her skin was so pretty. She smiled and I hoped that we had built up what someone had tried to tear down.
I agree with her friend. Why? I have thought about it and thought about it over and over. Why? We live in a pretty diverse area of the country. In a suburb of Houston, Texas, one of the nation's largest cities. We have people in our community from every part of the world. Different religions, colors, creeds. So why? I mean it's 2016. Why would a first grader already harbor such feelings about someone she knows nothing about just based on my child's skin? I have gone through every emotion. Anger, sadness, pity for the child and her family, and pride of our heritage.
Racism is ugly, but mostly a thief. People who have these feelings about someone who looks different than themselves are being robbed everyday. Being robbed on meeting someone who could be their best friend. Someone who could help them in times of need. That person could be a shoulder to cry on. They could be someone who would share a snack with them if they were hungry. Help them when they fell. Wiped their tears when they were hurt. Help them learn to sound out a hard word in their book at school. Run with them in gym. Sit next to them at story time. Laugh at jokes together. Make silly faces together. My daughter or most kids would love to do that. They would love to have more friends. However, that little first grade girl is being robbed of that by hatred. She doesn't know what she is missing.
Have you ever been to a wedding or other large celebratory event where they will make a large pyramid or tower of champagne glasses? Someone will pour champagne into that top glass and soon enough it is full and starts to overflow, but they keep pouring. The champagne then begins to flow down into the glasses beneath it, but they keep pouring into that top glass. Soon those glasses are full and overflow into the ones below them. The champagne keeps getting poured and before you know it all of the glasses are full with champagne just by filling the top glass. Waco is that champagne tower and the Gaines' are that top glass.
Last month after a camping trip with our family we decided to take a two-hour detour to Magnolia Market in Waco, Texas. I recently only became a fan of the show Fixer Upper and was excited to check out Chip and Joanna Gaines' newest business. They recently bought and renovated an old grain processing/storage facility. There are storage silos and older brick buildings that you can tell were once used in the processing. Just as they do in their show, they repurposed the whole block and made it into the Magnolia Market offering items you see on their show and other items picked out by Joanna and Chip themselves. In addition to the store they also have a huge lawn with lawn games for families, a garden, and several food trucks. It is more than just a store, it is an experience.
When we drove up to the area of The Silos, we were immediately a bit overwhelmed. It was Spring Break and there were TONS of people trying to get into the Magnolia/Silos area. We had to park a few blocks away. Once we entered the area we saw the line to get in was a bit long and zig-zagged it's way up to the front. Of course, as soon as we got in line two of my four little ones needed to go to the bathroom. Luckily, my brother and my sister-in-law, whose family also came along, were already in line for the bathroom. They went along with them as we waited. Much to our surprise and pleasure, the line moved very, very quickly. After the kids were out of the restroom they had a chance to try the yard games as we waited. Once we got inside, it was very crowded, but we figured as much. I will say this, never once did we see an employee flustered or angry. They were all so cheery and helpful despite the huge crowds.
We walked around and oohed and ahhed at the items in the store. My husband and I were deciding on which Jimmy Don metal sign to pick (which were on sale!), when a toddler boy fell back and hit his head on a shelf. His mom, who also had an infant in her arms, swiftly grabbed him and noticed his head was bleeding. I quickly grabbed some tissues from my purse and gave them to her to help stop the blood. No sooner had I done that, had at least four of the Magnolia employees swooped in. They offered the mom help right away. The mom apologized profusely for the broken small vase that had fallen off the shelf. The employees assured her over and over that the main concern was her son. They took them to a back room to help them as other employees cleaned up the glass and a small spot of blood. The employees handled the situation quickly and smoothly, but with great care.
Shortly after that, we picked our sign and we got in line to pay for our items. That line also moved quickly and we also caught a glimpse of Joanna's mother working around the store. Each cashier had a person helping them wrap and bag each item so it moved faster. The young lady wrapping and bagging the items noticed that each one of my kids had picked items for their rooms and wrapped them carefully and gave them each of their items in their own small Magnolia bag. They loved that!
After paying we went back out to walk around the yard and check out the garden and food trucks. It wasn't until then that it really struck me. Every food truck there (even Common Grounds from the show) was a Waco business. A lot of the custom items in Magnolia like their flower pots, jewelry, and signs were also from a Waco business. Even though the Gaines' were nationally recognized TV personalities, they are taking Waco and their neighbors with them on this epic trip. That is when I realized that Chip and Joanna Gaines were like the top glass on a champagne tower. Blessings were being poured abundantly into their cup, but they were letting it overflow into other people's cups. It was awesome and inspiring. I hope to one day have a passion of mine bring blessings to others like that.
P.S. We saw the mom and little boy who hit his head as were leaving. He was sitting on the stage area happily eating a popsicle (from a local vendor by the lawn). His mom told us he was doing okay, especially after the sweet treat. Popsicles make everything better!
Someone dying is not a unique experience. Everyone on this earth will lose someone eventually. It is just a fact. A lot of people would rather not even think of that day. The day their love one will take their last breath. Why? Because even that thought can be so painful.
Humans are quite funny when you think about it. We "think" we have it all figured out. How things will work or how they should look. But life usually has other plans. Some people lose their parents, friends, close relatives, spouses, or even sadly their children. Suddenly, life isn't what we pictured. A color is missing from our lives. We stare at our canvas and try to figure out how we are going to go on. How can we make art on that canvas without red? Or blue? Yellow?
Seven years ago I experienced a February that I would have never pictured. My sister-in-law left this earth on February 7th and two weeks later on February 21st, my father joined her. Both died from cancer.
The night my father passed away is very precious to me. People often look at me strangely when I say it was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. Right up there with the birth of my children. It's true.
My father had been admitted into a hospice hospital in Houston after we received news that his cancer was just too far gone. My brothers had tried to take care of them in their home, but the need for help was large and the hospital was the best solution. He was never alone and someone always stayed with him. After my sister-in-law passed away, even my brother came to Houston and joined the rotation. I often think back about my brother on those days. Sitting there watching my father slip away just days after his wife. How numbing the pain must have felt at times. I can't even imagine.
My dad's condition worsened everyday and we knew the day was near. I lived in Fort Worth and had planned to spend the weekend in Houston. I was already packing the bags for my little family to leave the following morning when one of my brother's called and said that I should probably leave soon. Soon, as in now. Dad had stopped talking. He was breathing, but it didn't look good. Our neighbors helped watch our kids as we shifted into full throttle to get packed. We left quickly and I drove the whole way. I got one call from my nephew (who is just a year younger than I am) to hurry. I remember telling him, "I am, but I am not going to speed." Something in my mind kept telling me not to. My dad would be so mad if he knew I had broken the law to get there. The whole way I listened to Linda Ronstadt's album Canciones de Mi Padre (My Father's Songs). It is a mariachi album that Linda had recorded with various classic mariachi songs that her father loved. My father also loved those songs. In fact, the CD was his. I had borrowed it from him years ago and never gave it back. I sang softly, drove, and prayed I would get there in time.
When I got there my nieces and nephews swept in to help take care of my kids in the family room next door to my dad's room. I remember walking in terrified of what was going to happen, but still walking straight over to him. I knew he was tired. I knew his moments in this life were slipping. I remember placing my face by his ear. I remember feeling his soft grey curls under my hand. His breaths were labored and erratic. I remembered hearing soft stifled sobs in the room. I don't whose they were, but the room was full. My mom, all of my brothers, and their families were there. I whispered into his ear, "Dad, I am here." I told him that my husband and kids were too. I then said the hardest thing I could say, but knew I had to. "I know you are tired. You go now and rest." My family and I then joined hands in a circle in prayer around him. Not even 5 minutes later his chest stopped struggling to catch the next breath and he was gone.
I miss my father very much, but I am so thankful I had those last moments. I look at my children and wonder about how he would have loved to be here with them. He was such a playful grandfather and I know he would have let them get away with anything. I know some people will say, "He's always with you" or "He's watching you from above". I know and believe that we will see each other again one day, but he is just not here now. That thought is still very raw, even seven years later.
So, I paint on with a couple of colors less. Some other colors have been added and the picture is still beautiful, but I really miss the color he added to my canvas.
